He told a stranger he’d marry me – then ghosted me without warning

After 24 hours of digital tumbleweed, my heart sank (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Landed at Heathrow!,’ I typed. ‘It’s not snowing here! Heading into the office now…kind of regret not booking today off. Let me know how your meeting goes later xx’. 

Dropping me off at JFK the night before, Ben* had urged me to let him know as soon as I’d touched back down home in London – making me feel secure in the knowledge that he really did like me.

After duly messaging him, I went straight to the office, but I couldn’t focus on work. Every time my phone buzzed, I snatched it up – hoping it was Ben.

It never was.

After 24 hours of digital tumbleweed, my heart sank, and I wondered why he hadn’t replied.

And, following four days of silence, I finally accepted that I had been ghosted – for the first time.

I was 28 years old and devastated. I’d thought Ben and I had had something real. After all, he’d begged me to visit him in New York – and he’d told a stranger he’d marry me.

My path crossed with Ben’s through his friend, Andy* – who I’d met at a work event in October 2019.

Andy asked me if I knew anyone who played the bass guitar; his band had a one-off gig coming up. I could – so I put myself forward. Rehearsal was the following week, and when Ben – a classically trained guitarist – walked in, I knew I was in trouble. He was an older, handsome New Yorker, nearly 40, who ran a guitar shop in Brooklyn.

I was a heart-eyed emoji during rehearsal; Ben was not only handsome but an incredibly talented musician.

There was undeniable chemistry (Picture: Getty Images)

When he invited me out for beers afterwards, there was undeniable chemistry. After our gig (a few days later), Ben invited me to his fancy Airbnb in Primrose Hill, where we stayed up until 4:00am talking about everything from our families to our travels.

When we kissed, it was magnetic.

We shared a lot in common: as well as playing guitar, we both loved to spend time by the ocean and followed astrology. I hadn’t dated a guy who had his ‘life together’ before, and I found it attractive.

The following night, Ben invited me to the theatre. I couldn’t focus on the show; in fact, I couldn’t even tell you what the show was!

My heart was pounding throughout. I noticed Ben kept stealing glances at me, and he acted like a true gentleman (holding doors open, taking my coat, non-stop compliments). He was completely different to the guys I had dated before – probably because he was 11 years older.

Despite knowing he would be flying home soon, I was catching feelings.

After the show, we went for drinks – where he implored me to visit him in New York. I was on cloud nine. Then and there, we decided on a weekend in the New Year; which was in six weeks’ time.

I was catching feelings (Picture: Getty Images)

Before I headed home, he tenderly kissed me and said, ’see you in New York, Anya.’

I booked my flight as soon as I walked through my front door.

Over the next six weeks, we stayed in touch. I couldn’t help but imagine a future with Ben; and I got the impression he was imagining a future with me, too. He planned an itinerary for my New York weekend and kept saying how happy he was to have met me.

My friends were rooting for me; some of them had met him at our gig and had seen the spark.

My long weekend in New York was dreamy. Ben took me to his friends’ party and proudly showed me off as he introduced me to his friends – who were all lovely and welcoming.

The following night, he took me out for oysters and to a show. As we left the theatre, a stranger asked Ben for a cigarette. Ben handed him one. This took me by surprise; I didn’t know he smoked. He certainly hadn’t smoked in London; at least not that I’d seen.

It made me think perhaps I didn’t know him all that well after all.

But the stranger looked at us intently and wagged his finger at Ben, imploring him to marry me one day. Ben replied, deadpan: ‘Yes, I will.’

As cheesy as it sounds, my heart soared.

As Ben drove me to JFK to catch my flight home, he talked about visiting me in London that June – and implored me to let him know I’d landed safely.

That was the last I ever heard from Ben.

When I saw Andy, two weeks after getting back from New York, I surreptitiously enquired after Ben. Apparently, he had broken up with a long-term girlfriend around Christmas.

I was thoroughly confused. ‘This Christmas just gone?’

Yes, replied Andy.

‘Oh,’ I realised, my heart dropping like a stone. I had been Ben’s rebound fling; and there would have been some definite overlap during our romance in London, when he’d had a girlfriend back home in New York.

I felt both heartbroken and bewildered. I had felt a genuine connection, and he had pulled out all the stops for my weekend in NYC.

Most of all, I felt foolish.

I took time out from dating for a good year. It knocked my confidence, probably because it was the first time I’d been ghosted and been the ‘other woman’.

These days, though, I look back on that time fondly, it was a thrilling transatlantic interlude, and I needed some excitement in my life.

But next time someone I’ve just met invites me to New York, I’ll check that they are 100% single.

*Name has been changed

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