I forgot about our crazy one night stand – until I got engaged to her brother

Could revealing this secret do more harm than good? (Getty/ Metro)

Should some secrets stay buried?

This week’s reader is gearing up to marry the man of her dreams.

But a few years go, she went on a ‘crazy holiday’ with her future sister-in-law, and things got a little out of hand.

A ‘badly behaved’ week shouldn’t affect the rest of your life, but are there some facts your partner deserves to know about you?

Keep reading to hear Laura’s advice but, before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who recently received an anonymous phone call that changed her life forever.

The problem…

I met my lovely fiancé through his sister, who has been my friend since school days. Although I’ve known him for years, we only got together recently, and after a whirlwind courtship have decided to get married this Christmas.

Here’s the tricky part. When we left school, my friend and I went on a crazy holiday to Spain, where we got drunk every evening, slept with loads of guys and generally behaved very badly.

We even got involved in a wild orgy with some locals, and ended up having sex with each other – the one and only time I’ve engaged in a lesbian romp.

I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but neither of us are gay. We laughed about it the next day and swore to each other that we’d keep our antics secret.

That was five years ago and neither of us has mentioned it since. You’d honestly think it never happened; she has ended up married to an older man with two children, and now lives a very conventional life. She even arranges the flowers at their local church!

But now I’m engaged to her brother, I feel mortified about what we did and am really scared that if anything goes wrong with our marriage, she’ll tell him everything.

People think I’m such a nice girl, but now I feel ashamed and embarrassed by my terrible behaviour on that holiday.

I’m torn between telling him everything, or keeping quiet and hoping he never finds out.

The advice

Most of us have done things we’d rather forget, especially under the influence of alcohol. What you did as a school-leaver is ancient history and hurt no-one. It really wasn’t ‘terrible behaviour’.

You let your hair down on holiday, which is exactly what a lot of people do – although admittedly, not always in such an extreme way!

I think you should relax. Your fears about your friend betraying your secret, are almost certainly unfounded. Why would she want to blab about something she probably winces at, as much as you? I’m sure she’d rather put those events firmly in the past, where they belong.

The bigger question is whether you should confess to your fiancé anyway. You’re under no obligation to tell him chapter and verse of your previous sex life, as he is under no obligation to you. Everyone has a history, and over-sharing is often a mistake.

You know him well, how do you think he’d react? Whether he thinks it’s funny, shameful or irrelevant is something for you to judge. Either way, if you do confess, you need to reassure him that your past is behind you. Emphasise your commitment to the relationship and your desire to move forward together; but do remember, once you’ve told him, you can’t ‘untell’ him if he reacts badly.

I think you should talk to your friend about your dilemma, before you make a decision. After all, you’d be opening up about something that involves her, and she may have an opinion about how she’d like you to proceed.

Personally, I think some secrets are best kept just that – secret. If you do end up unburdening and it all goes wrong, email me again.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

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