I love my girlfriend – but I enjoyed every minute of cheating on her

Could you forgive and forget? (Picture: Getty/ Metro)

They say honesty is the best policy, but this week’s reader has been left wishing he’d kept the truth to himself.

At just 19-years-old, he’s been with his girlfriend since they met at school, but after a party got out of hand, he ended up bedding a much older woman.

He’s confessed all to this girlfriend, but now says he feels ‘messed up’ — because the truth is, he enjoyed every moment of his illicit encounter.

Can Laura help him unpack his feelings? Keep reading to hear the advice, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a concerned daughter who’s fuming about her dad’s holiday romance.

The problem…

I’m only 19 but have had the same girlfriend since we met at school aged 15. We’ve lived together for the last year and I do actually adore her, although sometimes when I listen to my free and easy mates, I feel a bit jealous of them. 

I run a bar so work nights and obviously meet lots of people, but I normally just laugh off the drunken girls who hand me phone numbers and invitations, which happens quite often.

But recently, a colleague and I were invited to a party by some older women (40s at a guess) and as he really wanted to go, I eventually agreed. 

Long story short, things got a bit out of hand and I ended up having amazing sex with one of them, while my colleague got down and dirty with her mate. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but sex with this woman felt irresistible and exciting, and to be honest, I had a great time. 

Unfortunately, the next day I felt full of remorse and made the fatal mistake of confessing everything to my girlfriend when I finally got home at 11am. She ended up in tears, which made me cry too, but eventually she agreed to forgive me as long as I promise never to do anything similar again. 

Now I’m all messed up in the head, as I feel guilty about what I did and don’t think I deserve my girlfriend, while at the same time knowing I really enjoyed every minute.

The advice

My instinct is to agree with you – you don’t deserve your girlfriend. But at the same time, 19 is very young to settle down and realistically, you having an experience with someone else is not really surprising. 

In all honesty, I think she should have dumped you as soon as you confessed, because if you can be seduced this easily, it’s quite likely to happen again.

Your tears probably helped you wriggle off the hook, but it’s often the case that once you’ve crossed the line and got away with it, infidelity becomes easier the second time – and every time after that. After all, you admit you regularly get advances from other girls. 

It could be that in forgiving you, your girlfriend just reacted in shock and as this devastating information sinks in, she may decide she wants to get her own back.

Don’t be surprised if she has a fling of her own at some point in the future, which might signal the end of your relationship anyway. Perhaps you secretly fear this, which is one of the reasons your head feels messed up? Or maybe you’re falling into the trap where it’s okay for you to stray, but not her. 

I know some people meet at school and are together for 50 years, but you don’t seem ready for that. I think it would be kindest to cut your girlfriend loose, and let this drama subside before you consider commitment again.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

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