I’m a sex worker — this is what my female clients want and why they’re so hard to please

Melissa only has three female clients, and that’s quite enough (Picture: Getty Images/Cavan Images RF)

Many dommes have told me they refuse to see female clients, after a succession of awful experiences.

I know sex workers who’ve been screamed at by women who, after booking for a couples session, didn’t care to see their husbands enjoy a spanking quite so much.

Another friend told me a woman had poured an entire packet of sugar in her handbag after feeling neglected.

I only have three regular female clients, and they’re all pretty demanding, jealous and obsessive. One will incessantly call me if I don’t message back fast enough.

Men don’t do this. In my experience, men have an easier time separating sexual encounters from emotion. Men pay me for a session, say thank you, then clear off back to their wives, not thinking of me again until the return of the itch.

I like this about men, and my brain works similarly. My ideal scenario is as follows: “Would you like a shag, Melissa?” Ooh, lovely! “And shall we then never speak again?” Perfect!

Women’s demands can be too vague (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

There’s a persistent idea that fetish is overwhelmingly male. That’s not entirely true – women absolutely have kinks too – but there is a noticeable difference in how they show up.

For example, women often want to pretend to be school girls, with pencil cases and plaits and sherbet dib dabs. But if the shop’s out of sherbet, wine gums will do, and if they can’t find their pencil case, the illusion won’t be ruined.

This isn’t the case for men. Men are oddly, endlessly precise, which actually means it’s vastly easier to make them happy.

With chaps, it’s not ‘I like this general dynamic’, or ‘I enjoy this kind of energy’. Instead it’s ’I want this exact detail, repeated exactly, or it doesn’t quite click.’ Men want a specific shiny silver ring on a particular finger. A certain tone of voice. The same exact pair of stockings. They want a mundane act, repeated into something almost ritualistic.

Women, by contrast are more often about relationship, feeling and atmosphere – rather than having their desire pinned to one tiny, immovable trigger.

Why? Partly, it seems to be how arousal patterns develop. Male desire, on average, is more visual and cue-driven. Add repetition and you get a kind of conditioning loop. Something small gets paired with arousal often enough, and suddenly it’s not just a preference, but that thing, is the only thing that matters.

Take my butler, who’s currently in therapy for his inability to have sex or climax unless he’s thinking about wearing a collar and tie, carrying my coat and bringing me martinis.

Melissa believes men are easier to deal with (Picture: Getty Images)

His therapist suggests he thinks about bodies instead, and being obedient, he’s trying, but too often finds his attention straying to the need to grout the tiles or pay the vet’s bill.

Many men separate their lives into neat boxes: the respectable self, and the private, highly particular world of desire. Fetish lives in that second box, and it tends to get pretty detailed and specific in there.

None of this makes one side more ‘normal’ than the other. It just means desire organises itself differently.

And as far as I’m concerned, the fact that women have intense urges, but vague demands, means they’re far too difficult to please – and are more than willing to let you know when they’re not happy.

Which is why, for the sake of my sanity, I won’t be taking on any more female clients.

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