My boyfriend wants us to be in a throuple with his ex — would I be mad to say yes?

How far would you go to keep the one you love? (Picture: Getty/Metro)

Is three company or a crowd?

This week’s Metro Sex Column reader spent over a year trying to move on from her ex. And six months ago, she thought her ‘luck had changed.’

But despite being convinced that she was in a ‘fantastic relationship’, her partner’s discovered something’s missing… his ex-girlfriend.

Now, he wants them to become a throuple — and although she doesn’t want to lose him, this was never part of the plan.

Keep reading to hear the advice, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s problem, from a man whose double life is finally catching up with him.

The problem…

Just before Christmas 2024 I broke up with my boyfriend of five years, and spent most of last year feeling lost and lonely.

So, when I met a gorgeous guy at a party in January, I thought my luck had finally changed. He said he’d also recently split from his long-term girlfriend, and at that point I believed he was free. 

He’s keen to make it work with both women (Picture: Getty Images)

From February to May we had a fantastic relationship, speaking several times a day, and seeing one another three or four times a week. After a year of mourning my ex, I finally moved on with someone else. 

Then at the beginning of June, he dropped a bombshell when he asked me how I felt about bringing his ex into the relationship. He said he’d had a drink with her and realised he still had strong feelings, but although he wanted her in his life, he didn’t want to end things with me. 

He said he couldn’t choose between us and that I’d love her as much as him if I would agree to meet her. I was so stunned and upset, I could hardly take his words in. 

Long story short, he’s now seriously suggesting one of these ‘throuple’ arrangements, where the three of us are all in a relationship together. 

He says we’d all get on great, that there would be way more love in the relationship, that we would have more sexual diversity and even that when we have children, the childcare would be easier! He really believes this is a long-term solution to his dilemma. 

Because of all he said, I did agree to speak to her on the phone and I’ll admit she sounds lovely. She thinks the idea is great and stressed it wouldn’t be an open relationship – it would just be the three of us. 

I’ve spoken to my other friends about this and they all think I’m mad to even consider it. But it seems the alternative is to end things with him, which I don’t think I could bear. 

The advice

A throuple wouldn’t be everyone’s choice, but how grown adults live their lives is up to them, as long as everyone agrees.

Still, living like this is not just about sex or childcare – it’s almost inevitable that there will be an uneven show of attention and love, and the resulting jealousy might make you feel wretched. 

Of course your boyfriend wants to make the idea sound wonderful as it would give him everything he wants, without having to give up either girlfriend. But it sounds as though you’re only considering this because you can’t bear the thought of ending your relationship with him. 

He’s basically telling you he doesn’t want to stop seeing his ex, so you have to consider whether he really wants this three-way relationship, or just doesn’t have the heart to finish with you. There’s also the possibility he’s only bringing this up in the hopes you’ll walk away from him.

I’m afraid I’m with your friends on this one; you were feeling vulnerable when you met him, but now is the time to be strong. Don’t be bounced into something just to please your boyfriend.

There are other men out there who won’t want to share you, which sounds more like the kind of relationship you really want and deserve.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

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