My sex life involves pillows, a speaker and a grabber tool

This week’s diarist has had a spanner thrown in the works when it comes to sex (Picture: Myles Goode)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Shelby*, 45, a married mum-of-one who lives in Canada.

Shelby, who is straight, met her husband Conrad* over 20 years ago, while on holiday in Cuba. The pair were long distance for two years, before starting their lives together.

Now, they usually have sex about twice a week.

‘Our sex life is comfortable and satisfying,’ Shelby says. ‘We know how to get each other off, we like to experiment within our boundaries, and our sex is happy and playful.’

They’ve tried dressing up in the past, a little light bondage and anal play, as well as switching up where they do it.

But recently there’s been one big barrier to being intimate – and it’s not that their 12-year-old son has started going to bed later.

Shelby has picked up a back injury, and it’s proving to be a bit of a hindrance in the bedroom.

So without further ado, here’s how Shelby got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

Last month, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc in my back, and it’s so uncomfortable.

Sadly, I think it’s just old age that’s degenerated the discs, and then a bad sofa has pushed it out of place. So I’ve been in a lot of pain, especially in my right leg, and taking very strong painkillers that knock me out.

I wasn’t given any advice about whether I should be avoiding certain sex positions beyond, ‘don’t do anything that hurts or flares up the leg or back’, which is almost everything.

Today, there’s a lot of sexy banter and promises of things to come later in texts throughout the day. I tell Conrad I’m thinking about him, and he asks which bit of him, so I act coy, and answer with an embarrassed face emoji.

When my husband gets home from work, we kiss, and he tells me he wants to kiss me everywhere when our son has gone to bed.

Flirting like this definitely keeps our intimacy alive, although it’s not as important as the actual sex. When you’re deep in parenthood, chores, and keeping up with daily life, it’s good to remind yourselves that at heart, you’re two people attracted to each other, who want to have sex and be close.

However, by the time our teenager goes to sleep, I watch The Pitt and take my night time painkillers. Then, I fell asleep with my book on my face before my husband even comes to bed.

Tuesday

I’m working from home when my husband comes back from the office early. I hear him getting in the shower, so I leave my unfinished tasks and hobble up to join him.

He has to help me get in the shower as my injury means I can’t lift my leg over the bath. Instead I have to sit on the edge, spin around, and then stand – a real palaver!

We share the space more than anything else, but we’re naked, which is a start. There’s no sexual touching, though. We towel off, share some funny cat TikToks and have a cuddle on the bed.

I’m so frustrated that we’ve not been able to be as sexual as usual and I’ve been quite miserable. Conrad has been sweet about it, but I miss the spontaneity.

Wednesday

In recent years, I’ve missed the frantic, urgent undressing that accompanies unmarried sex. For Conrad and I, after so long together, sex usually happens when we’re already in bed naked.

But now that I’m injured, I’m finding the undressing part of sex, especially getting my jeans and socks on and off, really difficult – in fact, Conrad has to help me. That simple act today turns into a giggly and silly prelude to sex. 

We put on some RnB, arrange a mountain of pillows to protect my leg and back, and with him on top and plenty of lube, we snog like teenagers in the afternoon sunlight.

We then have the most satisfying, gentle, and romantic missionary sex. Before I hurt myself, we usually tried out a few favourite sex positions: missionary, me on top, and doggy, but at the moment, the standard man on top is all I can do, and even that has to be quite gentle.

We do test out how high he can raise one of my legs, as legs on his shoulders is another position we enjoy. We get close but not quite.

I haven’t wanted to experiment too much with my injury, as if it hurts, it’s kind of a big turn off.

I love looking at Conrad’s face during sex and kissing. I feel like we have very soulful looks into each other’s eyes during this type of sex, and it always makes me feel connected to him.

Thursday

Our evening is busy. My son has after-school activities so my husband has to run around dropping him off and picking him up.

Suddenly, I’m alone in the house and decide to see if I can have some solo fun without my injury flaring up. 

I have to use my grabber tool to open my spicy drawer and get my vibrator out, which is much harder than it sounds. I then prop my bad leg up and move a bolster under my back to get into a comfortable position.

It feels pretty rushed, and I wonder why I hadn’t instead tried this earlier in the day when nobody was expected home for hours. I watch a porn video on my phone of a couple having sex doggy style, and quickly get off, putting everything back before anyone comes home.

Friday

Today is my day off so I go for brunch with a friend before coming home to watch Girls while I elevate my leg in bed.

Conrad is late home, so by the time we order a pizza and watch a movie together then get my son off to bed, we are both knackered.

Conrad looks really good today. He’s started using a new hair product, and it’s brought out the cutest curls, so I make sure to tell him.

I think sometimes in long-term relationships we forget how important compliments are, so I sprinkle them in along with a good bum squeeze.

Saturday

My pain is pretty bad today. My son and husband go out for the day, so I potter around the house and spend hours on a video call with my mum, planning and booking a family holiday.

Then I make homemade burgers. We don’t even cuddle in bed, as I’ve found using an extra-large pillow under my bad leg helps with the pain. It creates a physical barrier between us, which reminds me of the giant pregnancy pillow I used to have years ago which my husband jokingly referred to as my ‘boyfriend’.

I’ve been told my back injury should heal in eight to 12 weeks, which I’m really hoping is true, as I have had enough of this pain and limited mobility.

I just want to get back to my normal self, including having sex any which way.

Sunday

Today, my son goes fishing with his buddy so I’m off duty for a while. I take a shower, trim my fringe, and start to get dressed. I manage to get a bra on, but getting my knickers on is difficult with the back pain, so I give up in frustration and throw them across the room.

This gives me a raunchy thought. I decide to lie on the bed with my bad leg supported with pillows, wearing nothing but a bra, and then through our smart home speaker I summon Conrad to join me.

He comes into the bedroom with a big grin and goes down on me. We both love giving and receiving oral, and it’s a frequent part of our foreplay. He hasn’t showered yet and has been working out, so I don’t return the favour, but we do have missionary sex very carefully.

Halfway through I have to put a really big pillow under my bum so I’m propped up and it feels quite different. I was basically on display which we both found sexy. 

Even so, I can’t wait till we can have uninhibited sex once again.

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