This common phrase is actually ‘one of the worst things you can say at a funeral’

It might seem innocent, but try to avoid this phrase at all costs (Picture: Getty Images)

Navigating how to behave at a funeral isn’t easy.

Mourners should be be attentive yet respectful, present but not overbearing.

It’s an uncomfortable dance: tiptoeing around what to say, never quite sure of your footing.

And now, an etiquette expert has revealed there’s one phrase that you need to avoid — and you’ve probably said it before.

Etiquette expert Laura Winsor tells Metro: ‘One of the worst things you can say at a funeral is “at least they went peacefully”.’

She continues: ‘Saying this can feel like it diminishes the real weight of those feelings of loss, disruption, grief and confrontation with morality for those who survive.’

While the intention may be sincere, Laura shares that its important to remember that a funeral is about ‘a lot more than the death itself.’

‘It has to do with the aftermath and the feelings of those who’re still around,’ she adds.

No matter how true it might be, telling someone their loved one ‘went peacefully’, might not be the comfort you think it is.

What not to say to those experiencing grief

On a recent episode of ‘Help I Sexted My Boss’, podcast hosts Jordan North and William Hanson debated this exact topic.

Willian, an etiquette expert himself, mentioned that while it’s totally acceptable to say things such as ‘lovely service, what a great turn out,’ at a funeral, lines such as ‘I hope you’re okay’ feel rather redundant.

Users shared their own thoughts in the comments of a TikTok uploaded by the pair.

@noji stated that ‘”Lovely to see you” should always be followed by “shame it’s not under better circumstances”.’

Another, @custardface, added: ‘As someone who recently lost someone – please don’t say “let me know if there’s anything I can do” as you’re putting the ask to reach out on them, when they are already having a hard time.’

Wading in on this, Laura’s opinion slightly differs.

The etiquette expert shares: ‘While it may not be very helpful, “lovely to see you” shows that you are there and you are offering support.

‘Obviously the closer the friend, the more meaning it has. It has to be a sincere offer. If it is from an acquaintance then yes it doesn’t really bear much weight.’

Try to think about what you would want to hear in their position (Picture: Getty Images)

Why not try out one of these instead…

Laura also shared a helpful list of phrases to keep in your back pocket for the next time you’re in this situation.

There’s lots of ways to be thoughtful and considerate at times like these.

Laura suggests starting with ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ before going on to mention a personal attribute you enjoyed about the deceased.

An example of this would be: ‘I’m so sorry for your loss. She/he’s touched so many lives, including mine.’

Or, ‘I feel really lucky to have known them.’

If you didn’t know the deceased particularly well, you could instead simply say: ‘My heart goes out to you and your family at this very difficult time.’

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