What It Means If Your Friend Only Texts You When They Need Something

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Recently, Stylist described “parachute friends” – mates who seem to drop back into your life only when they need something from you.

That might take the form of one-sided emotional support, physical help, or an unreciprocated confidence boost. Whatever the demands are, they can feel never-ending and leave you wondering if you’re being taken advantage of.

HuffPost UK spoke to BACP member, head counsellor and behavioural science researcher at Cardamom Counselling, Ragini Jha, for signs you might have one of these friends.

We also asked what to do if you suspect one of your pals meets the criteria.

How can I tell if I have a “parachute friend”?

Jha told us that some signs might include the following:

They only text when something’s going wrong in their life – never to share good news or just check in.They mirror your energy in person but never initiate that warmth themselves.They’re great listeners in the moment but never reference what you told them later, like it didn’t register.They cancel on you but show up reliably for people higher in their social hierarchy.Conversations end abruptly once their immediate need is resolved.They’re warm and present during a crisis (yours) but disappear once things stabilise, almost like they need the drama to stay engaged.

What should I do if I think I have a “parachute friend”?

The counsellor said that you could try a two-week “experiment”, the counsellor advised.

This isn’t meant so much as a way of testing your friendship as it is a means of looking at the patterns your communication typically takes.

“Stop initiating entirely and just observe what happens,” Jha suggested.

If you notice a trend you don’t like after that, or if you already think you’ve spotted habits that leave you unhappy with the relationship, address it.

Don’t begin with accusations, though, as that can leave your friend feeling attacked and defensive.

“Avoid leading with the pattern itself [by saying things like] ’you only talk to me when...”, the expert said.

“Instead, try naming what you want going forward: ‘I’d love it if we caught up more, I would love to tell you some positive updates.’”

If naming the issue and allowing your friend to come to greater alignment with you doesn’t seem to redress the issue, Jha said: “If the imbalance is causing real hurt, it’s worth checking whether you’re seeking from this person something that’s better met elsewhere (a partner, a therapist, other friends)”.